(I think I'm going to go all Pathfinder for a bit. Please excuse the wishywashytouchyfeely for a moment. Group hug?)
Of all of Lincoln's quotes, this one haunts me the most:
"I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend." - Abraham Lincoln
When I write up enemies lists (I write my own, thank you. I'm not so weak as to need to open-source them.) they are not with the intention of rallying the world to heap scorn and hatred and invective upon these people, to drive them underground and then seal the cave up after them.
And they are certainly not public things, even though feelings of disdain and anger always show.
Instead, they are meant to serve as a reminder of my failure to seek common ground with those people. They are my way of saying "You fucked up, are you ready to try again or just fuck up some more?"
They say "What could you have done differently?"
They say "Was it so high a price to pay?"
They say "If you cannot forgive now, can you ever?"
They say "Are you ready to confront The Law of Triangles?"
They say "Ready to take another base?"
And they never... shut... up.
Where many people have a Bucket List of things to do before they die, I have a Lincoln List.
These are The Worst Of The Worst, the ones I can identify by the many scars on my back and chest from when they plunged their daggers into me over the years.
(Or when I saw the knife coming, and sent my own into them. The Three Of Swords represents betrayal and loss, after all, but never says who did the betraying.)
It's almost like an astronomer at a planetarium, dimming the lights and turning on the machine, pointing out star after star, constellation after constellation, galaxy after galaxy...
This scar is from when they hid their shame by accusing me of a crime.
This scar is from when they left the door open, and the thieves took everything.
This scar is from when she left me, dripping and confused and alone.
This scar is from when he committed career suicide, and then brought me down with him.
This scar is from when she died and I wasn't there to hold her.
This scar is from when I lent him the money, and he used it for drugs and asked for more.
This scar... this scar... this scar...
This scar is from when I tore you loose from my neck and told you to go suck blood from someone else.
Everybody's got those scars, no matter how well they hide them.
But that's not what life is about. Life's about living, regardless of how many scars you have or how deep they go.
Lashing out in an endless attack on the world accomplishes nothing, and it will consume all of your energy. It will drive off people that haven't betrayed you, because they will fear that you will react to anything and everything as a threat.
Pick. Your. Battles.
If you don't, the fight will eat up all your time and space and thoughts and soul. It will consume all that you are, good and bad, and that's all you will be.
Your enemy has become your master, and they now own you.
Yes, some of the wounds left deep scars, but not all. Others healed up without a trace, and all that's left is the memory of betrayal and anger.
(And fear of suffering that once again.)
Still, you've got to try, right? Every name on that Lincoln List - ones who are there that you know can be scratched out and removed - you think you can do something about it.
Build bridges, not walls.
When I see an opportunity to scratch out one of those names on that Lincoln List, I take a deep breath, find my focus, and ask myself if it's time to try.
It takes the same amount of wood to build a bridge as it does to build a pallisade wall, right?
Sometimes, I'm surprised when it's a race to see who forgives first. I shouldn't be, because it takes so much more energy to hate, block, evade, and maintain malice. It's just easier, and folks are inherently energy-conserving lazy in the end, right?
"Just talk to them" is all it takes. "Take the first step. What's the worst that can happen?"
But for others, there is no common ground or chance for an opportunity to end whatever feud, spat, or rivalry exists. Or they may just be so toxic, evil, sick, perverse, parasitic, fanatical, deranged, irrational, and mentally unstable, any relationship with that individual will always be one that ends in failure.
"They fool you by walking upright" a comedian once said, and I agree with that sentiment.
Those names stay on the list, the ones who always have the knife out, ready to strike. Or they smile, reach out with one hand in friendship, but have that look in their eye that shows they're just pulling you in and looking to slash and stab.
Just like they did before.
Completely beyond redemption. So wrapped up in their pain and persecution complexes, it doesn't matter who else they hurt.
Those names, I do not mind that they are still on the list when it's finally folded up in my pocket and joins me in the incinerator. And I'm sure I appear on a list or two out there.
It takes no effort to filter their madness from the massive conservation out there... every decent social networking system silences their direct stream of spewage, and as long as your friends aren't dingbats, they won't forward or pass along their toxic noted for them.
In the end, you tire of peeking through the holes in the wall to see what they're up to, and ignoring them just comes naturally. The louder they are, the easier they fade into silence.
